ToddlerGuide

Behavior

The I-do-it season

A toddler who says I do it is practicing a self, not filing a lawsuit. Your job is to offer jobs that are real and to budget the extra minutes.

A toddler with curly hair sits in a wooden high chair in front of a white plate of broccoli, carrot slices, cauliflower, and chickpeas. An adult at the left edge smiles toward the child.

A toddler with curly hair sits in a wooden high chair in front of a white plate of broccoli, carrot slices, cauliflower, and chickpeas. An adult at the left edge smiles toward the child.

CDC milestones by 18 months includes helping with dressing and putting hands out to be washed. CDC milestones by 30 months includes taking off some clothes and showing you a skill. CDC milestones by 3 years includes putting on some clothes. Those are ranges. A child may zip nothing and still pour something. CDC toddler parenting tips encourages growing independence in dressing and feeding. It also tells you to respond to wanted behaviors more than you punish unwanted ones. A child who puts one arm in a sleeve is doing the work. Finish the other arm without a speech.

Time is the hidden ingredient. If you must leave at 8:10, start the coat at 8:00. A rushed I-do-it becomes a tantrum you scheduled. That is on the clock, not on the child.

Try this

  1. Offer two choices you can live with: this cup or that cup.
  2. Give one real job: napkin on the table, socks in the basket.
  3. Leave extra minutes on the days you know they will refuse help.
  4. Take over for safety without a debate: street, stove, car seat.
  5. Notice the finish of a small job. Then move on.

Some days they want to do it and cannot. Name that. You want to do it. I will start. You can finish. Then keep the promise. A parent who always snatches the task teaches the child to snatch it back louder.

Independence at 2 is not independence at 12. They still need you in the room. The point is a slightly bigger job, not a smaller parent.

In the house this month

Shoes will take four minutes. Budget five. A child who is rushed through I do it will bite the next person who zips a coat. The clock you set is part of the behavior plan.

Some jobs are fake and children know it. Handing them a cloth to wipe a dry table is fine. Handing them a cloth and then snatching it because they are slow is how the job dies.

Safety jobs stay yours: car seat, street, stove, medicine. You can say I do this one. You can do the other. Do not debate the street.

If they refuse all help and also cannot finish, you will have to take over. Do it without a smirk. Then give the next small job back as soon as you can.

What you can skip

Skip fake jobs you snatch back. Skip debating the street. Skip rushing I do it and then blaming the tantrum.

Skip smirking when you take over. Give the next small job back.

Keep the range in view

I do it needs minutes on the clock. Give real small jobs. Take over for the street and the car seat without a debate. Give the next job back. A rushed zipper is a tantrum you scheduled.

Check in if

If the child cannot accept any help when help is required for safety, or if independence vanished after it was there, call your pediatrician.

Related ages: 18-24 months, 24-36 months. Pillars: Behavior.

Sources

  1. CDC. Milestones by 18 months. cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/18-months.html
  2. CDC. Milestones by 30 months. cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/30-months.html
  3. CDC. Milestones by 3 years. cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/3-years.html
  4. CDC. Positive parenting tips: toddlers (1 to 2 years). cdc.gov